Decisive Bears and Dickens’ Cider (Episode 72)
The PiPers return! Dustin backpacks through London, Evan has big news, Kurt drives a motor scooter,and Wiz donates hate to the British Museum. This episode sponsored by Cliff Bars!
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Happy Holidays from Playing in Peoria
Hey Everybody,
Welcome to Playing in Peoria’s Holiday letter. I’m Dustin and I am wishing you Happy Holidays on behalf of Kurt (hey-o!), Evan (hi.), and Vimal (Konichiwa!). It sure has been a big year in the PiP universe. We made lots of new friends, posted a few episodes and added one wife, one baby and two sugar gliders to our ever-expanding family.
As I write this I’m at the kitchen table, cup of warm End of the Cereal Milk in Hand™, wrapped in a Shuggie™, and Milkshake resting comfortably on my feet. There were ups and downs for all of the PiPers this year. Myself, I lost a great deal of money when Evan convinced me to invest my 401k fund in Blockbuster™. He said they were due. I found it was easy go, easy come shortly thereafter when I began syndicating my newspaper strip Platytudes™ (They’re platypuses with attitudes! One’s sarcastic. One’s sardonic. But the slice of life they serve up is almost too rich to handle!) Using that little bit of extra cash, I decided to make contributions in each of our listeners name to the Dolph Lundgren Syndrome Fund to help further do research into what Syndrome is and how we can prevent/educate/vaccinate/cure/use it as biological warfare.
It was a hectic year for America’s Favorite PiPer*, Evan. He spent the better part of it trying to illegally sell a child on the black market. He knew he could get a good deal on it because it was white. He decided to take the money he made on the baby and buy a jet ski. He used it once and now it sits in the garage. Evan has continued his charity work teaching hobos to tie neckties and teaching drug users fiscal responsibility. Along with all of his work he also keeps busy with the lawsuits he is involved in with other PiPers. On advice from his attorney he is not allowed to discuss them at the moment, but Dustin knows what he did!
Kurt spent his year honing his craft as a trip-hop-tap-dance artist. No one could have predicted the meteoric rise of this enfant terrible, but his limitless enthusiasm and reckless disregard for rule, tempo and quality have made him a dynamic dancehall darling. The year started off on a high note for him as he trip-tapped his way to a second-place finish at his first House Music Free-Form Dance and Trance Invitational. At the award ceremony, he also took home the Housie for Best New Artist, Trip-Hop Tap, Jazz, Swing, Sway and Step category™. The year was chock-a-block with successes for Kurt, but many have overlooked this fact in light of the tragic death of his manager, Brite Skeezy. By now, many of you have heard about the trumped-up charges and completely false accusations that have dogged Kurt these past few months, but we stand behind him and refuse to believe the media hype. Let this holiday letter be our strong show of support for Kurt as he battles these charges and continues his conversion to Islam.
It’s been quite an inventive year for the Wiz (the only non-white, non-Judeo Christian not quite ready for prime time PiPers). Not only has he gone on to patent and sell over 15 Text Gloves™, but he’s also gotten the ball rolling on this Piss Light™, End of the Cereal Milk™ and my theory that people no longer eat lunch. Have no fret folks, he’s got some more stuff up his sleeve including an twist on the oldest profession known to man. In addition to these brilliant inventions the Wiz has been engaged in very productive business meetings with Dustin to open a ice cream parlor called Inside Scoop® which offers private investigation and a scoop of butter pecan. The Wiz has also been writing his memoir, Do Ask, I’ll Tell: The Story of Wiz (In Stores Feb. 18th) Happy Holidays Y’all, HYAH!
When we last heard from Sam, he along with his robot and his mountain goat Bernice were hiking up the Himalayas searching for that ever elusive abominable snowman. Come back safe, buddy!
We hope that your year has been as wonderful and full of excitement as all of ours. Have a safe and happy holiday and thank you for continuing to support our podcast. From this year’s Playing in Peoria Holiday letter, I’m Dustin, that’s Kurt, that’s Evan and that’s Vimal.
You Guys Be Careful Out There,
Vimal, Kurt, Dustin, and Evan of Playing in Peoria wish you Happy Holidays
Playing in Peoria.
* Evan is not America’s Favorite PiPer.
Power Hour Dramatic Conclusion (Episode 64 1/2)
The PiPers finish their grand experiment. Kurt takes the reins, Evan eats the bean dip, and Dustin wins.
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Baggers and American Density (Episode 63)
The PiPers lose density. Dustin isn’t running a four minute mile, Kurt never learned to play piano, and Evan things raising a baby is a philosophy.
Get a special message from the PiPers! Send your mailing address to pipers@playinginpeoria.org.
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Hotbox and Deadwood Memorial (Episode 57)
The PiPers are in a pickle. Evan survives, Dustin thrives, and Kurt takes a bullet.
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Homecoming and Officer Friendly (Episode 56)
The PiPers demotivate. Kurt eats a diet of phosphorus, the Wiz hangs out in Riverdale, and Dustin grasses J-Peck up.
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Smurf Guitars and Busted Faces (Episode 49)
The PiPers remember Christmas like it was just last week. Dustin reconnects with old friends, Evan talks about gift giving and Kurt makes an announcement. Special thanks to Ash for editing this episode!
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Brain Sandwiches and the Self Help Mambo (Episode 45)
The PiPers are Alive! Kurt rascals up a starving rock, Evan can’t haggle with authority, Dustin wants to know when he can touch your face, and the Wizard has strange survival instincts.
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Rip It and the Autoplatonic Telethon (Episode 44)
The PiPers take up a cause. Kurt learns to trust the PiPers, Evan atones for 2009, the Wizard has the sickness, and Dustin is tweaking out.
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Sexting and The Rules of Porno (Episode 36)
The PiPers get a little graphic with adult content. Samuel finds himself $10 million dollars in debt, Evan puts Lainie in her place, and Dustin is amazed at what kids are doing these days! Special guest, Lainie (Evan’s wife)! Adult Warning: This episode acknowledges that people are having sex on film. Also Sam swears a lot. Like usual.
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